Growing Pains

I've said this before, but cleaning out the garage has brought up a lot of emotions in me, especially now that we have gotten to the very back of the garage. To the things that were never going to be donated or thrown away (this summer at least). To the things from my childhood.

I took home a whole carload of plastic bins filled with things I really don't need at all, but am not sure I can get rid of just yet. That's hard for me. I don't want to store things. I don't want to hold onto things I don't need. I also don't want my mom to have to store my things. But I'm not ready to totally get rid of it all yet.

I'm in the process of going through it and trying to get rid of some most of it. There's a whole huge bag full of stuffed animals (even though we already donated 4 huge boxes of stuffed animals! Side note- If we ever have kids, they are allowed like 3 stuffed animals MAX). These animals are the most special ones though. My mom used to tell us that the animals had feelings and I used to feel bad for them and had to sleep with them ALL. Literally. And now I still feel guilty when I get rid of them or donate them. Seriously. The ties are strong. NO MORE STUFFED ANIMALS!

On Saturday I opened one of the bins and found this bear. One of the first times Jack came over to meet us, he gave us these bears. Mine says Butterfinger and my sister's says Snickers. I cried a little bit when I opened the bin and found the bear. I'm not even sure why that bear means that much to me or what it represents exactly, but maybe it has something to do with it being one of my first memories of Jack. I also look at this pic below and I wonder if that was the night he brought us the bears and I can see how happy I was.

We also found a huge trunk FULL of dolls. We loved Barbies and Babies- we somehow had a lot of them. and my mom kept every. single.one!

We were able to throw some away, but the trunk went to their house, along with a lot of other things we don't have time to sort through now. To be sorted through next summer. 

And I realized this past weekend that we are actually far from done, and that discourages me. I am so tired of spending every weekend doing this. I am looking forward to being done with the rental house at least (hopefully only a couple more weekends) and having a few months off. I am looking forward to the end of next summer when it will all (the things we are bringing over and all of the stuff in their basement of my grandma's stuff from when she passed away) hopefully be sorted through and thrown away and donated.

It's been hard going through my own things, but it's also been hard working with my parents and figuring out what to do with their things. They really would have never done this on their own, and while I know they are glad and appreciative that Colin and I are helping get this done, they really aren't making it that easy. They are struggling to agree on anything- Jack would rather throw it all away and mom would rather have a million garage sales. Jack thinks it's stupid to bring it over to the other house (unless it's his of course) and my mom thinks it's stupid to throw everything away. But at the end of the day- I've been the one to take the stuff home, list it, take pics, donate it. Yes, they've had to be there during the daytime hours, but once it comes back with me, they have nothing more to do with it. I am spending tons of additional time dealing with it all, having it in my space, and making me feel really unsettled. It's hard because we all work full time and we are tired and it's getting cold now and there's still stuff to be done... which is all frustrating and tiring and annoying. They haven't yet rented a big trash bin to get the trash taken care of, they haven't fixed the things on the outside of the house to get ready for it to be rented, etc... and there's only so much I can do, which is frustrating. And I'm tired of being tired, of not having any time or energy to put into myself, into others, or into my relationships. I'm tired of  feeling like there is SO much to do- always, of feeling drained and empty, of feeling like I am giving SO much/too much.

So lot's of emotions (along with everything else going on) and I'm trying to take it in stride, to let go of things as I can, and to not freak out about everything being so messy (physically, emotionally- mostly in every possible way). I'm trying to figure out why the things in the bins (and all my 'stuff' in general) mean so much to me, what it represents, and hopefully in that, I will be able to take pictures to remember the things, but maybe not have to physically keep them forever.