Highly Sensitive People
Like I said a few days ago, I decided not to go out to dinner on Sunday evening with people that I love and DO want to be around and hang out with, only because I knew I needed to not be out and with people before work this week. It can be hard to make those choices. I don't like letting people down and hurting feelings. But usually, I really have to think and gauge where I am whenever I make a decision to go out or to do something out of the routine. Will I feel better being alone or will I feel better being around people and being social? It just depends... I can say yes to something a week in advance (and I definitely do like planning ahead- it helps me feel in control and be able to spread things out that I have to do in order to be ready to do something), and when the day comes, I sometimes have to cancel because I just can't take it and know I need to be at home in a quiet place.
Last week I met a couple friends after a long day at work at an Irish pub. I really never go to bars/pubs (just not my scene) and it was totally fine, other than it was so hard for me to concentrate/hear/focus on my friends. And I think this happens a lot with me, whether it's a baseball game in the summer or a busy party- I enjoy doing those things, but I really end up feeling so frazzled at the end of it. On Sunday after Eve's party (after doing so much to plan it and then the actual parties themselves and staying up so late), I was almost sick on Sunday and all I could do was do nothing really that whole day. High stimulation events also leave me feeling really disconnected and dis-satisfied with the time I spent with someone, since it can be hard for me to connect and focus in those environments.
I was also thinking today that I am really thankful for the flexibility with my job. Yes I do some very early and very late days and there are quite a few annoying parts of it, but generally I get to work from home quite a bit and sometimes don't work 40 hours. I can't even imagine working 9-5 (or longer) every.single.day. I am not sure I would be able to do it. Like today- I was able to stop home for 30 minutes before one of my meetings and it helped me feel much more grounded. I was thinking of all the jobs I could have and how hard they would be for me. Then I thought how awesome it would be for me to have my own business and work from home more!
I've been checking in more with myself and asking myself what I need in a particular moment and what actions would be loving to me right then/today/this week, etc. I really think that if I can give myself more of what I need, then I will have the energy and ability to be out in the world more, and more social, and be able to say 'yes' to doing more things more often.
And on a different, but kind of related note, I was in Starbucks this week and I used to really like it, but for the past year or so, it's just not there for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm craving it and then, no matter what I order, I just really am not that impressed. I really don't drink coffee in general anymore, but even teas and chai, eh... not so much. So a co-worker and I walked over and I contemplated what to get, if anything (most times I just don't get anything). I ended up ordering a chocolate doughnut, because I do actually like those and I would rather spend $1.50 on something I love and not drinking my calories, rather than $4 on something I really don't love. And it got me thinking- which is better? A doughnut with sugar and carbs (and some caffeine from the chocolate), or sugar and caffeine-etc, in drink form... and I didn't necessarily come to the conclusion, other than, I think I am going to try a little game with myself. Whenever I am in that position (coffee shop, restaurant) I am going to try to find the healthiest thing to get. Just to see how it goes. Just to see if my perspective shifts a little in terms of eating and ordering.
So, a little bit of a shift in general I suppose lately- more self aware and nourishing.
PS:And once I am finished with the book, I will do a post on it.
PPS:I really DO love to be social and do things and be with people, but it can also be hard for me depending on what's going on. If you are a HSP, you know how it is :)